the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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