Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
and you fell through a lawn chair
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
