the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I am available for nakedness
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
