Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
