i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
