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so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
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