Texts From Last Night

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  (253): View more from Washington

  Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.

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  (253): Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it. http://tfl.nu/s7pq
  Replies (15) Good night (760) Bad night (3752)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.

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  (604): I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/rlh2
  Replies (16) Good night (1190) Bad night (4847)
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  (914): View more from New York

  End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.

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  (914): End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide. http://tfl.nu/bl6v
  Replies (74) Good night (6634) Bad night (1401)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.

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  (801): I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion. http://tfl.nu/ntse
  Replies (28) Good night (11215) Bad night (1539)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.

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  (860): Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message. http://tfl.nu/jwe9
  Replies (19) Good night (9775) Bad night (1035)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?

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  (865): What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"? http://tfl.nu/h7i9
  Replies (11) Good night (2513) Bad night (1890)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.

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  (647): bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope. http://tfl.nu/udjt
  Replies (3) Good night (1214) Bad night (753)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?

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  (607): Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised? http://tfl.nu/o7ko
  Replies (4) Good night (885) Bad night (501)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE

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  (407): SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE http://tfl.nu/zlef
  Replies (8) Good night (2186) Bad night (707)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...

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  (479): I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower... http://tfl.nu/hy7a
  Replies (1) Good night (477) Bad night (691)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?

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  (801): What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE? http://tfl.nu/0e68
  Replies (2) Good night (709) Bad night (306)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?

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  (518): Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt? http://tfl.nu/4gjt
  Replies (4) Good night (318) Bad night (844)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.

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  (216): I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class. (610): I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class. http://tfl.nu/0ypg
  Replies (0) Good night (1081) Bad night (392)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.

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  (614): I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it. http://tfl.nu/u71p
  Replies (1) Good night (717) Bad night (219)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan

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  (919): i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan http://tfl.nu/2n6t
  Replies (1) Good night (199) Bad night (241)

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