So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.