sorry about calling you the devil all night.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
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I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
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she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.