I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
