I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
