remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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