I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
