i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
