Do you still have your period?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
