Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
