Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
