woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
