dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
