we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
