if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
