i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
