Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
