hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
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