Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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