I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It was confusing and full of hummus
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
