Having a random hookup so left but love u
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
