hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
