I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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