I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
