it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
