3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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