Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
