Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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