There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
