party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
too bad you live with your parents still
he thought i was a dude.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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