I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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