Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
