He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
