thus making me awesome and them whores
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
