is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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