Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
