so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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