he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
