I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i love accidental penises.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
