Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
