I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You may now shotgun with the bride
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
