Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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