how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize