Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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