I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
