Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize