North Korea, Best Korea!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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