soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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