Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
