I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Two words: blizzard sex
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
