I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
