There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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