i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
