Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
