Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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