shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
