I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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