addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
