home. puking in laundry basket.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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