I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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