the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
