It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
